Hesitation as the hands align
The clock strikes 5:30 and begins to chime
It's the beginning of mass, and we're on time
I'm a wayward soul desperate for a divine bind
I left a tear in the foyer that I hid from my kids
Tilting my head down from the painted vaulted ceilings
As if God couldn't see or doesn't know what I'm feeling
Disposing of my guard left abandoned at the entrance
I'm shattered, but walking through the doors
A sign of the cross for the illusion that I'm restored
Each foot in front of the other as I walk to the back pew
With question marks in my heart, wondering what would Jesus do
I'm a storm raging, pacified by faith
With a smile that's fading because I can't seem to relate
I can't raise a peace sign when my neighbors want to keep mine
I can't join the Lord's supper line when my heart is filled with landmines
One accord in a Responsorial Psalm as if we're on the same page
But outside of these walls, you view my existence as a plague
I can't confess to a sin when I can't decipher the hell I'm living in
Holding hands with men who find blessings in my ruin
Why is your humanity automatic while mine is a debate
How can you not see it is problematic to view me as prey
If we are a part of the same body, why am I made to feel like weight
Why does your example of love embody remnants of hate
What does it mean to be salt if you're just pouring it on my wounds
Genuflection for introspection while praising my doom
What is the penitence for failing to love your neighbor?
For closing your heart to others created by the Creator
For building your riches on the sweat and grief of our labor
For reserving concern and care for only those you favor
I can't turn the other cheek while my oppressors in Christ are hurting me
I can't continue to be meek when peace is deserting me
Praying hands by man have become swords in my back
Pulling these shards out of my soles just to darken the doors to mass.
Melissa Menny is a writer in various aspects, including poetry. She has a BA in Journalism and an MS in Criminal Justice. When she's not working, she enjoys listening to music, critiquing films, and spending time with her husband and two sons.
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