Poem: 5:30 MASS

Hesitation as the hands align 

The clock strikes 5:30 and begins to chime

It's the beginning of mass, and we're on time

I'm a wayward soul desperate for a divine bind

I left a tear in the foyer that I hid from my kids

Tilting my head down from the painted vaulted ceilings

As if God couldn't see or doesn't know what I'm feeling

Disposing of my guard left abandoned at the entrance

I'm shattered, but walking through the doors 

A sign of the cross for the illusion that I'm restored 

Each foot in front of the other as I walk to the back pew

With question marks in my heart, wondering what would Jesus do

I'm a storm raging, pacified by faith

With a smile that's fading because I can't seem to relate 

I can't raise a peace sign when my neighbors want to keep mine

I can't join the Lord's supper line when my heart is filled with landmines 

One accord in a Responsorial Psalm as if we're on the same page

But outside of these walls, you view my existence as a plague

I can't confess to a sin when I can't decipher the hell I'm living in

Holding hands with men who find blessings in my ruin

Why is your humanity automatic while mine is a debate 

How can you not see it is problematic to view me as prey

If we are a part of the same body, why am I made to feel like weight

Why does your example of love embody remnants of hate

What does it mean to be salt if you're just pouring it on my wounds

Genuflection for introspection while praising my doom

What is the penitence for failing to love your neighbor?

For closing your heart to others created by the Creator

For building your riches on the sweat and grief of our labor

For reserving concern and care for only those you favor

I can't turn the other cheek while my oppressors in Christ are hurting me

I can't continue to be meek when peace is deserting me

Praying hands by man have become swords in my back

Pulling these shards out of my soles just to darken the doors to mass.

Melissa Menny is a writer in various aspects, including poetry. She has a BA in Journalism and an MS in Criminal Justice. When she's not working, she enjoys listening to music, critiquing films, and spending time with her husband and two sons. 

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