Home again: On Catholic burnout and the journey of challenged faith

There's a certain irony in my story that I've come to appreciate. In short, I had to leave the Catholic Church to truly find my way back. Perhaps not physically, but spiritually I had to lose my way to find it again.

About 17 years ago, I began pursuing the Catholic faith through RCIA. I was welcomed into a wonderful church family who guided me through the Bible and helped deepen my relationship with Christ. Life moved forward in beautiful ways. My husband and I had our children baptized, we were married in the Church, and I became deeply involved in ministry, even becoming a catechist.

From the outside, everything looked perfect. I was the model Catholic—always volunteering, always present.

But somewhere along the way, something shifted. I was burning out, going through the motions without the spirit behind them. I was serving out of obligation to impress church leaders, to make my in-laws proud, to be the "good Catholic" my husband and children expected.

Did you notice what was missing in those motivations? God. He was completely absent from my reasoning.

I was overcompensating, trying desperately to earn love and approval by being perfect. The cracks in my faith were growing deeper by the day, hidden behind the mask of service and obligation.

Then came the depression—overwhelming, debilitating, and impossible to hide. I could barely get out of bed some days. For those who haven't experienced depression, imagine trying to move through life with weights tied to every part of your body and mind, making even the simplest tasks feel impossible. This crisis became my turning point. I couldn't maintain appearances anymore. I was broken, flawed, and had nowhere to turn but to Christ.

I realize now that this was a spiritual battle for my soul. The enemy was attacking, but God was using this struggle to draw me closer to Him.

Around this time, I stepped back from ministry and began simply being with the Lord instead of constantly doing for the Church. I developed a genuine habit of prayer and Scripture reading—not as a checkbox, but as a relationship.

This spiritual hunger led me to ecumenical Bible studies and, eventually, to a Protestant church I attended with a friend. The freedom of worship I experienced there felt refreshing: contemporary music, a diverse congregation, and a different style of connection.

What I didn't understand was how this seemingly innocent exploration was undermining the sacramental covenant I had made in marriage.

My husband didn't see my church-hopping as spiritual exploration. He saw it as a betrayal of our marriage vows. In Catholic teaching, marriage isn't just a commitment between two people. It’s a sacrament, a visible sign of God's grace, and a covenant made before God within the Church.

Our marriage nearly fell apart during this time. What I viewed as freedom, my husband experienced as an abandonment of our shared faith foundation.

When I finally stopped to truly listen to my husband's concerns, I agreed to speak with a priest. After confession, my penance was to revisit the catechism. I purchased a copy that day, though it sat on the shelf until I discovered Fr Mike Schmitz's “Catechism in a Year” podcast. As I engaged with the Church's teachings systematically, my eyes were opened. I began to understand the depth, wisdom, and authority of the Catholic tradition in a way I never had before.

I realized that Church teaching isn't a random collection of rules but a carefully constructed framework. It is much like God's original command in Eden: Enjoy the garden but respect the boundaries, established for our protection and flourishing.

The most profound part of my return was rediscovering the meaning of the Eucharist. Somehow, through all my years of practice, I had forgotten what it truly meant to receive the body and blood of Christ.

Now, I weep at the goodness of the Lord during Mass. “I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” These words from the liturgy resonate so deeply now. I understand my unworthiness and his love in spite of it.

My journey taught me that authentic Catholic faith isn't about working for the Lord or just being with him. It's also about allowing him to work through me. It's carrying Christ into the world for others who don't know him, who think they aren't worthy, or who desperately need him.

I'm back in the Catholic Church now, loving, learning, and leaning into God more every day. As for my marriage and family? Thank God for his restoration power. What almost broke us has become the foundation of a deeper, more authentic shared faith.

I’ve learned most of all that sometimes the longest road home is the one that leads us back to where we started—but with new eyes to see the truth that was there all along.

Sara Chinakwe is a wife, mother, and teacher. She encourages women and children to pursue God’s purpose and embrace their God-given identity. Sara’s deep love of teaching and decades-long career in education was shaped at California State University Stanislaus. Since then, she has used writing as a medium to propel God’s followers forward as they journey with Him.

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